Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Attempt

(I tried to talk about knitting, don't you see the pictures? How about we count this as this week's fiber friday, and friday I'll post something interesting? Got it?)

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(Handspun stash)

I'm just so frustrated with myself right now. I have a research paper due on Thursday, and I'm FREAKING out. I don't meet with my teacher until tomorrow, and because of that, I feel like I don't have any direction until then. I have a good (wonderful for me) thesis statement/paragraph. It's lovely, really. But the essay I have already written DOES NOT PERTAIN TO THE THESIS ANYMORE. This figuring out what i'm writing about thing - yes, I know i should have done that when I first started drafts. I just can't. I think sporically, and I can't force myself to come to conclusions, only others can (ex, my teacher helped me come to my current thesis by prompting me with questions, it was VERY helpful!).


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(some vesper Sock yarn I traded for on Ravelry)

But right now, I feel like I should be typing my heart out but whenever I try, I can't. I'm overwhelmed with the fact that I haven't even looked at my secondary sources to see if they still pertain to my NEW thesis, and I need to read some more secondary sources. And I switched books halfway through, so I need to re-do the page numbers. Don't get me started on my lack of a MLA works cited.

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I just want it to be over. I know I'm really in trouble when my normal calming-down technique doesn't work (thinking about how I'll live through this, and something that doesn't involve a dangerous weapon won't kill me). I want a weekend where there isn't the "thing" looming, ever threatening.

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(Look what I can do!)

I try not to think about how this paper is what made me offical change my mind about becoming an English teacher (I want to do something fiber/design related now). I do over think things, so I'm going to ignore that to stop myself from rocking back and forth.

(I'm sorry. I try not to let my personal life over take this blog, but right now, it's all I can think about. It's what I breathe, eat and sleep. I can't sleep, actually because of it.)

2 comments:

Floderten said...

Oh dear. I know *exactly* how you feel. For me, it helped to knit and eat chocolate. That's how I finished my Embossed Leaves socks. ;) Procrastinating! But really, I hope you get it done. Good luck!

xx

ajknitz said...

TAG! You're it! Check my blog for the rules!